i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
