Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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