what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
