and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
