Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Shame is for Republicans.
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