I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
