You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Blood and glitter go together right?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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