I wannas sexs uuuuu
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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