Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
