He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
