You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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