all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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