last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
