Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
