WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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