Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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