I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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