Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
