He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
