You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
