Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
