I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize