doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
