Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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