id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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