that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
