Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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