Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
