he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
