Kiss
Puke
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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