I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
