why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
