Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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