My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You're like the curious george of whores
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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