Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
