What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
