I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
