I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
the raccoons are back...
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