And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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