my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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