I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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