There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize