Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
