Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I am mentally ready for anal.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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