I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
