she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
