just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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