i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
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