So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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