You just made me feel so damn special
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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