i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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