Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
