We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
