the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So I just went to clothing optional bar
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
