How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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