I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
