My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
