i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
