people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
