she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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