do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
