he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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