It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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