Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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