Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
