This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
