Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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