Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
