We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
