I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Randomize
