I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
love makes seman taste better
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
