Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
