I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
