I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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